cinco de mayo

happy cinco de mayo to all my hispanic friends out there! i hope you’ve enjoyed your day as much as i have. i’m not hispanic nor do i have any mexican culture, but my family has always celebrated because its a holiday and an excuse to see each other. this year, big tyler was a drill for the first weekend/first time since we’ve been together. he decided at the beginning of the year that he wanted to be in army reserves again, so he was gone all day. anywho, we hung out with my grandma “gigi”and my mom “mimi”. my brother and his girlfriend at my mom’s house. we enjoy the quality time we get to spend together because there really isn’t much of it since I’ve moved out of my moms house. my grandma is very wise. i like to think that i’m a lot like her, although i believe that i am my mothers daughter very much. today when we were together, i got an anxious feeling. it was when i was feeding the baby. i’m not sure why, maybe they were just watching me and seeing how i am with her. it made me sad. sometimes i think that i’m doing things all wrong, that i’m not “mom” material. I’m very young, and very inexperienced in the whole ‘raising’ kids thing. I love kids, and i take care of them for a living, but sometimes i question as to whether or not i’m doing the right thing. i have a lot of questions, and i’m curious to see what other mom or dads might say. i’ll probably save all my questions for another post, maybe tomorrow. I worry a lot, about silly things really. and while i believe that what i’m worrying about is a legit reason to worry, tyler, my mom, and my grandma might not think so. I second guess myself, my relationship, my life in general a lot. but i think back to the movie Soul Surfer (which btw, i did watch today) when Carrie Underwood tells her youth group to get a new perspective. I think that movie is a good movie for anyone second guessing themselves, or looking for a door that says “This is your second chance!” i just get so unsure sometimes, and it makes me anxious, and emotional. Gosh, it’s such a wreck-haha, i cant help but laugh at some of the things i’ve gotten so worried about. Some of the things i continue to let me self worry about. I guess i need to get a new perspective. its normal to feel that way, and it’s normal to worry. its a normal thing. maybe not as often as i do, and now that i’m awake and have been because i was so anxious that i needed to write it down, i probably wont sleep very well. Maybe i will. im just saying, its okay to be anxious yall. worry less tho. paint your toes, read a book, make a blog, eat icing out of the can. do something that makes you happy. thats what i’m doin’.

Advertisements

may4

today is a special day for a few reasons.

  1. May the Fourth, duh. Happy Star Wars day! For as long a i’ve had a facebook, (10 years) i’ve always put “May the Fourth be with you.” as a status… because, i’m a star wars nerd, and its super clever. I was going through my memories today and thought to myself: holy shit, i’ve had a facebook for 10 years?! But, i’ve made it a point to make my Star Wars status each year. #committed So, happy 10 years of me being a geek to all of my friends on FB… ya welcome
  2. Today, I’ve been at my job for a whole year! Happy Anniversary to me & SSK! That also means, that a year ago today I saw my current boyfriend & his youngest son and i bonded for the first time today. Big Tyler is also the biggest fan of starwars… you should see our living room. Little Tyler is also quite the fan too. He carries around a Darth Vader pillow and sleeps with it every night. The day i started at SSK, little Tyler did not feel well and wouldn’t use the potty for anything. All he wanted to do was sit on my lap and wanted me to hold him. We went outside and he sat on my lap the entire time and we watched the tractors that were plowing the fields next to the center before they put the fence up. He was so sweet, and so badly wanted his daddy. Around lunch time, the other teacher that was there with me decided that we should check his temperature. He ended up having a fever, and had to go home. She called his mom, and his mom told the other teacher to call his dad because it was dads day. She did. About 10 minutes later, Big Tyler walked in wearing a Kelly Green Legend of Zelda shirt and khaki shorts. He said “hey bubba” and little Tyler gave me a hug, and left with his daddy. I still get butterflies thinking about the moment that i first laid my eyes on Big Tyler. If you would have told me then that i would be living with them today, i would of told you that you were probably right. Sometimes you just know, and in that moment, i knew. In two days big Tyler and i will be together for 9 months. And boy has it been a beautiful ride!
  3. Today is also one of my current Tods 2nd Birthday! Happy Birthday to the spunkiest, sassiest, silliest, sweetest, superstar, ballerina that i know! She is so funny, and so smart. I can tell her to say anything and she will repeat it. My favorite is when she said “Hey girl hey!” or “I’m a drama queen!” It truly is adorable. I told her mom on May 1st that my anniversary date is her birthday and she said “Oh my gosh! Really?! It’s meant to be!!” I shared my post on FB that i had been at SSK for a whole year and her mom commented on my post and said “We love you, Miss Sam!” I will miss her so much when she moves on to the 2’s room, but she’s right next door. So I will still see her daily.

May 4th is an important day for me, clearly. and i love Star Wars, so that’s even cooler.

 

P.S. i meant to post this last night, but Big Tyler insisted we watch Star Wars instead. 🙂

 

bloggin’

the whole purpose of me staring this blog is so I can do just that: blog. I don’t have an exact layout of what i’m going to write about, why i’m going to write about it, or when. So i’m just gonna do it. I want to be able to express my feelings in a way that I don’t have to speak on command about them. I just want to be heard and if it has to be with people that I don’t know, then that’s alright with me. And if I do know ya, you might be meeting a side of me that you didn’t know existed. I struggle daily with anxiety and depression. Sometimes it’s hard for me to say what i’m thinking or how I’m feeling because I don’t know how to say it. I’ve found that the easiest way for me to express myself is to write it. Weather that be in a text message, on paper, or now on my blog. my blog is called “imjustsaying” because, one its something I say all the time, and two because I’m just saying to me is kind of a its my opinion, you can do what you want with it. I don’t care. In the nicest way possible 🙂 some of the things that I write about you might not agree with, and that’s okay. We all have our own opinions, and as long as you don’t judge me or slander me for mine, I wont be opposed to hearing yours. Anyone is welcome to comment on any of my posts! I enjoy meeting and befriending new people, and I will be glad to take your criticism. #imjustsaying

it me.

Hi! I’m Sam. I’ve never really done this before but I’ve always had a passion for writing and blogging ever since Awkward came out on MTV, but I never had the time to do it. I’m the real life Jenna Hamilton… not really, but kinda. I can only hope whoever is reading this knows what Awkward is because that would suck if you didn’t. It’s on Hulu by the way, so if you’ve never seen it, I highly recommend the show. So, I guess i’ll start with the fact that i’m 23. I’m from the Midwest, born and raised. Yeehaw. My parents got divorced when I was 10. I have 1 full blooded sibling, his name’s Dalton. I have 1 adopted sibling, her name is Morgan. I have 1 half sibling, his name is Cooper. The rest of my siblings are step, but we don’t really say that. Together there are 8 of us, and I’m the middle child. My family is all sorts of messed up, but i’ll save that for a different post. The 3 siblings that I listed, are all younger than me and who I am closest too. I graduated high school in 2014, I cant believe it’s been 5 years! I work at a daycare as the toddler room teacher, and I love it. I’ve always wanted to be a teacher, and here I am hanging out with tod’s all day. It’s great. My best friend has been my best friend since we were 11 years old. Her name is Danielle, she’s fantastic. My other bestie has been my bestie since I was 13, he was 11. His name is Blake, he’s wonderful too. I am with the man of my dreams, his name is Tyler. He has 3 kids, Robert, Tyler & Sadie. 6, 3 & 7mo’s. I love them like they’re mine! I really enjoy being their other mommy. I love Harry Potter, Game of Thrones, Soccer, Painting, and anything purple. I also have a cat named Andy. So, I guess that’s it.